pzp – Paul Westerberg

Update: Minnesota Senate Race

pzp — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:32:40 +0000

REUTERS – The race for Minnesota’s open Senate seat got yet murkier when an additional 23 ballots were found in the garage of local trombonist Paul Westerberg, where they had been stuffed behind his ten-speed. Confusing matters more, they were all cast for the write-in candidate ‘Seymore Butz’.

Reached for comment, Westerberg’s spokesman advised us to go and sit in a field sometime.

Video Wednesday – I’ll Be Me For Awhile

pzp — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:11:49 +0000

I met this Hem41 character once, and he is such a douchebag, but he posts some decent videos:

Stocks Rolling Down My Sleeve

pzp — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:31:04 +0000

REUTERS – After noting that Paul Westerberg’s CD sales have increased as the stock market plummets, Walmart has announced that they will now be offering a 15% discount on any in-stock ten-speed with the purchase of Folker, Open Season, or Suicane Gratification.

Westerberg’s spokesman declined to comment.

Westerberg Launches Presidential Bid

pzp — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:51:52 +0000

Just two weeks after dropping out of the race for the democratic presidential nomination, Paul Westerberg has, as suspected, lauched a third-party campaign for the presidency. Reached for comment, Westerberg’s campaign spokesman Kenny Rogers said, ‘Paul knows when to walk away, and he knows when to run.”

Westerberg Concedes

pzp — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:02:14 +0000

ASSOCIATED PRESS – In an unexpected move, Paul Westerberg has announced that he is dropping out of the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. At least one newspaper will have to issue a retraction after printing that Westerberg had the nomination in hand. The candidate will encourage his delegates to support Tom Zarek. Reached for comment, Westerberg’s spokesman Kenny Rogers said, “You gotta know when to fold ’em.”

All new Mats CD in stores next week!!

pzp — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:12:02 +0000

Their long awaited reunion album “Back in Beige” drops next Tuesday, available only at Walmart! Please buy or sell, it’s grrrrreeatt!!

Beowulf

pzp — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:38:15 +0000

There once was a man from Uranus
Whose dream was to not quite be famous
He called himself Paul
He’d rise but to fall
His lack of Gold records should shame us

T‘was born in the fifties like Stingle
To howl and to mumble and single
He’d scream with a shriek
Then warble quite bleak
And once he even dared to jingle

Opportunity knocked a few times
Offered riches for some simple rhymes
He said yes and no
Seen that video
He passed up crisp fifties for dimes

Over the years he paid his dues
This songwriter without a clue
But radio shrugged
The basement, it tugged
And off he went into the blue

So music poured out through the years
Songs filled with fake drums and real fears
He keeps us bemused,
Transfixed and transfused
Cause if not, then why is he here…

Got yer books? Go read ’em.

pzp — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 21:45:32 +0000

The publishing industry is positively awash in Paul-Westerberg-influenced projects, much as I predicted would happen in my blog on this very site three years ago. A few examples:

And next month’s Oprah Bookclub Pick is riding the bandwagon too.

Go figure.

(Now, who wants a free car!?!)

1-800-BET-PAUL

pzp — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:56:22 +0000

100% GUARANTEED WINNERS!

THANKS FOR CALLING!!

LAST NIGHT TOM BRADY MET A HOT MINNEAPOLIS BARTENDER,IMPREGNATED HER, AND LEFT THIS MORNING AFTER TELLING HER “SEE YA – AND I WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA!”

I PREDICT THAT THIS WON’T BOTHER HIM IN THE LEAST, HE’LL GO 22 FOR 28, AND THE PATS WILL COMPLETE THE FIRST 19-0 SEASON WITH GRATOUITOUS SPYING.

CALL MONDAY FOR MY SUREFIRE PICK ON GEORGETOWN vs VILLANOVA!

Buck Hill

pzp — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:11:34 +0000

For years, the inspiration behind the Mat’s magnum opus Buck Hill has been as shrouded in mystery as the meaning behind that Phil Collins song.

But no more.

Which is the true inspiration? The first person to guess correctly receives a shiny Mystery Gift from the website.

Good luck!